Ask Nutty v. Tosh.0

I am bored....really fucking bored.

I used to have hobbies...I don't do any of it any more. AND...there IS a finite amount of times you can whack it.

So...I am retiring 'Ask Nutty' as you know it. Face it...it wasn't going anywhere.

BUT! I am creating 'Ask Nutty version Tosh.0'!!! What's that you ask? Well, it's like this. Daniel Tosh has a pretty decent thing going on Comedy Central. It makes me laugh...which is rare. Anyway, I figure I can do that. I don't want to be him or a knock off of him. I just want to help him.

SO...I'm basically going to rape the premise of his show and do it on this blog until he recognizes me and gives me a job as a writer.

It'll probably take me a while to get up to speed. I may actually film some shit with my ass video camera. It could be a slow start. There is a promo contest I'll try to enter. We'll see. I'm thinking puke.

Holy shit!

WTF???????????????????

That is fucking crazy! How the hell do you even fix that? Oh, and by the way, everyone else who lives near that....sooner or later, the earth is going to collapse into that giant pit, 60-70 feet beneath you. Good luck selling that house. Holy shit!!!

They keep getting dumber...

Gee honey, isn't Yemen a terrorist country???

Nah...don't be silly sweet heart, it's a beautiful desert nation.

But aren't you afraid we'll be kidnapped ?

Kidnapped??? Of course not...we're American!

dumbass

BOOM!

I lived in W.Va. for a while. I can confirm this to be typical behavior.

Email to CNN

Dear CNN,

There are rumors all over the internet that Ronnie James Dio is dead. You, as the world news leader, need to act quickly to either confirm or dispel these rumors. Ronnie has been battling stomach cancer for a year or so. If it is true, and RJD is dead, I expect riots and lawlessness that will make the Rodney King LA riots, Wats, and Detroit riots combined look like a kindergarten christmas play. The dark master will have his revenge on planet earth!!! Cower in fear as his wrath will shower us in eternal agony and despair. If it turns out he's alive, I guess everything is o.k. then. Carry on reporting about insignificant minutia like New York SC nominees and oil and whatever.

Peace out bitches,

Nutty


This was posted on ronniejamesdio.com:

A Message From Wendy Dio 5/16/2010 2:51:50 PM
"Today my heart is broken, Ronnie passed away at 7:45am 16th May. Many, many friends and family were able to say their private good-byes before he peacefully passed away. Ronnie knew how much he was loved by all. We so appreciate the love and support that you have all ...

This bitch is a liar

Why were you alone in his apartment at age 16?
It was cock or coke....whore.

Obviously scarred by Polanski's man penis, here slut shows her naked body to the entire freaking world.

Meximelt can't figure out why US being mean to her

omg...(yawn), read about this wet crying about being deported

The american dream starts with being legal....dumb ass.

no title

zomg....sluts

Wish I had had a camera (then again...maybe not, wasn't worth a stint in the poke). Upon the completion of my dinner at a national sit down chain, I saw a gaggle of whored up hussies in the parking lot (from behind)...

4 and 5 inch heels (I swear one was wearing these shoes)......

...short, tight skirts...the works. Then one or two turned around and I had to turn away so fast I almost snapped my neck. They were young, super young. One of the others I ate with guessed them in the 12-15 y/o range. Are you kidding me???? What the fuck? Parents let their grade/high school girls go out like that???? There was a parent there too!

I'm not sure if I'm disgusted or feel ripped off. This is how girls dressed for a night out when I was 13....

I had to check....some of the skirts they sell at Wet Seal are shorter than the ones Fredrick's of Hollywood sells. Yeah...I think I got screwed.

Oh shit! They're on to us!!!

Incumbent Senators and Congressmen loosing seats left and right...guess they decided to actually do something for the people. It's a start. Fucking ass clowns.

I'd like to see England's coalition government succeed. Could start the end of this p.o.s., broke ass system we currently have.

Bus ticket to L.A., $85. Meetng a friend who can get you 'Into the business", priceless.

Here's some fucking boo hoos from a teenage girl on FB (rofl)...

♥
Someone should sue Disney for putting the idea in little girls minds that everyone has a prince charming and everything will end happily ever after
♥

I wish i never met you, then there be no reason for these tears.

Should have listened and never fell back in love, biggest mistake everr.

Someday my daughter will be 18. If I hear this shit come out of her mouth, I'll buy her the ticket myself.

This kid's father is a douche.

13-Year-Old Attempts Mount Everest Record

Mountain climbers are notorious egotists. You can smell the asshole this kid is going to turn out to be when he says "we're climbing for the right reason." Really? What is the right reason to risk your kid's life on the deadliest mountain in the world? I hope they both die.

Viewer Mail

This guy is a choad, but I endorse his product:

since your site usually features pics of retards in wrestling masks, i thought i would change it up.


129171329042762924.jpg


p.s.

fuck off

Jizz Mop of the Month for May

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The Forest of Feelings

So I was watching some Care Bears with my wife and daughter. My wife thought it would be good if they did remakes of Care Bears stuff. I agreed and said that it was high time they took on the tough issues, suggesting their first feature be titled, "It's OK if both your parents are men". She kinda laughed, then I started singing this ad lib:

In the forest of feelings
you can touch your feelings
but don't tell anyone I touched them

It'll just be a secret
our little secret
please do not tell Christopher Hanson

I lost her about there.

Tough break Rolando

Ha ha!

Come on man...

What the fuck L.T. ? Are telling me that the guy that fucked up Theisman's leg can't just go pick up a skank in a bar?

Why do all my heroes have to go and fuck 16 year old prostitutes?

Don't answer that.

Style points

Ha ha! (<--- click for story)

Cheers!

Cheers to my friend B.C. who pointed out that restaurants with paper towels in the men's room often have a clogged shitter. What the fuck? Why throw that stuff in the can?

Double cheers to another friends' son, just 16 or 17, for manning up when finding the shitter was clogged. He brazenly chose to shit in the ladies during the dinner hour. It wasn't just a oner either, it was multi-stall. You da man Harry. Cheers!