Come on...Animal Panet? Really???

I've told this story before, probably too many times. Back in the day when music still mattered, I'd tell anyone who would listen. No one really did. This was too obscure for most. Anyway...I thought all that was over, now a new twist.

I used to think this guy was a god:

Steve Albini

Founder of the band Big Black. The band was beyond cool. They were the noisiest, angriest, most socially relevant band to come out of the Chicago, post-punk (Touch & Go Records, etc.) era. Nobody around here knew who they were. They were low-fi, d.i.y. 20 years before it was cool. They credited their drum machine, Roland, as an artist on their albums (that's right...albums).

Big Black: Durango, Albini & Riley

Here's where I lose most people I guess. Looking back, I guess it was some kind of man crush, but whatever. In the early days of email, I somehow located an address for him. (Well I think I did at least. I never actually was sure it was him.) I sent some kind of fan mail with a few questions that were vitally important to me. He sent back some horses ass answer denying he was who I was looking for (I still have the email somewhere, I need to find it). It really rubbed me the wrong way and started the hate. I think there are 4 events that ruined music for me. This, working on Lolapalooza in 1993 (Primus headline year), Cobain killing himself and then the last great hope, At The Drive-In breaking up. Sadly, and this applies to any star, if you want them to remain idolic, never speak to them or try to break the barrier of star/fan in any way. They'll only disappoint.

So, by the time this was going on, Big Black had long since broken up. Periodically, I would see Albini working on this CD or that CD. He'd say something pompous in an interview or put out a new (and utterly shitty) record with his new band Shellac and my hate would be refreshed. I actually went and saw them. Here's my ticket:

(B.C. - If you should happen to be reading this, don't get the wrong idea. I totally appreciated the ticket. Fugazi was good. You're the man. Thank you.)

So here's the pay off. Years have gone by without me so much as thinking twice about the douche (it's fair...he said Bush was the best band he'd ever worked with). Anyway, I'm half asleep on the couch as my wife is watching Animal Planet: Dogs 101 and who's fucking mug pops up? Fucking Albini. (segment starts at 29:27, Albini the choat chuffer starts talking at 30:48) I almost fell out of my fucking seat. The narrator calls Shellac a "popular indie rock group" that's "HUGE" in the math rock scene. What???????????? Unbelievable.

So the connector is that the dickbags in Shellac had a CD released in 2007 called "Excellent Italian Greyhound" and their gay drummer has an Italian Greyhound. (see cover)

I remember the show at the Congress. Dude was horrible. He had a fucking gong and I don't think he ever hit it. Why the fuck did you bring it? I guess he thought he looked all Led Zep drumming in front of a gong. Anyway, fuck stick and bass player split at some point, leaving homo the drummer alone on stage. He's got this cymbal on a stand about 6 feet in the air off to the side. All of sudden like, no warning, he just kinda stops playing and goes over to air cymbal, beats it a little bit, then pours water on it, and beats it some more. I guess he was trying to...well fuck, I dunno what the fuck he was trying to do, but it was fucking GAY. Seriously one of the worst shows I've ever seen. I mean, they had the house lights full on the whole time. It was like watching the Air Force Inspirational Band play at your high school gym. QWEEEEE-R!

So that's my story. I still hate Albini for that email and all the dumb shit he says. I wish he'd just go away. I take little comfort that he's cruising the channels of expanded cable now instead of the pages of Spin or Rolling Stone, cause that's where I'm at. Mother fucker is following me.

Fuck you Steve!