News 5 sandwhich

Gimmie a bottle of Beam, a tube of Astroglide®, then throw me in the middle of these three hos.

I love the natural progression

I'm all A.D.D. and shit so this makes me happy:

the arrogance

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/08/29/kennedy.funeral/index.html

This just in:

"Shortly before his death, Sen. Edward M. Kennedy wrote a letter to Pope Benedict XVI asking for the pontiff to pray for him as he struggled with an aggressive form of brain cancer, it was revealed at his graveside service Saturday evening."

Seriously? The Pope??? Your local priest wasn't enough? The Arch Bishop of your diocese? Not even a Cardinal? You went straight to the Pope you arrogant fuck. Exactly what I was talking about before. http://asknutty.blogspot.com/2009/08/later-ted.html

I'm sure it'll come out that he and the Pope were tight and shit. You know, from all the time Ted spent in Germany and at the Vatican.

Come on, give me a fucking break.

Celebrity Death Watch

I guess there's a few versions of this out there (here's two):

http://www.deathlist.net/

http://www.stiffs.com/

Seems like a lot of famous people are dropping dead lately. The rate may be the same, maybe just higher profile deaths. I don't know, just seems like a lot. Anyway, here's my picks for the next 5!

TV:

BUM BUM! (theme from Law & Order ya know)

TD Ameri-DEAD!!!

SPORTS:

Enjoy gardening in Shangri-La

(or wherever the fuck Zen masters go).

I was actually going to put M.J. but Phil seems like a better choice.

MUSIC:

He's bringing dead back!!!

This is my big upset pick. Such a shame when talent is lost too soon.

NEWS:

I do hate this dude, but he's really fucking old and is probably going to die soon.

I shouldn't hate him though. Before I started listening to him, I would never have publicly defamed or insulted a sitting president. Thanks for showing me that it's o.k. Danny.

HOLLYWOOD:

Even though most of you pukes probably know him better from TV, he'll always be Capt. Willard to me.

NEVER GET OUT OF THE BOAT MARTY!

(my first pick was really Clint Eastwood, but it seemed unthinkable.)

Later Ted

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/08/26/obit.ted.kennedy/index.html


So now all we have to do is endure 2-3 weeks of Kennedy history on every TV station, then it should be over.

Go get him Mary Jo. Pay back's a bitch Teddy.

8/26 addition - I keep hearing how he changed or had so much influence on our political system. Considering republicans and democrats alike are fed up with our system, is that really a high point or something to hang your hat on? I suppose it beats 'Ted Kennedy: His drunk ass killed a bitch in a river.'

Probably the dude I hate most on the planet, this crumply old fuck (Daniel Schorr).

Old Danny is all bummed because his good friend is dead. I guess they had some commonalities and crossed paths a few times in their lives. But I got news Dan, you're a nobody, he wasn't your buddy. I hate people who star fuck, especially a dead guy.

Anyway, it reminded me that the entire purpose of the Kennedy clan is to advance their own legend or legacy by any means they can. Ted's nod to Obama was clearly pointed to this end. He even called an Obama presidency the continuation of his brother's. Wow..really?

My history is shaky, but as I remember learning, J-Fuckstick-K was too mired in Viet Nam, banging whores and nepotizing (I coined it, fuck off) the entire government to get anything worth while done. LBJ made all his lofty civil rights plans come true. Which is funny to me, since LBJ's legend is that of a shady type politician, back room dealing and using his enormous clout to force peoples hands. Meanwhile, the real criminals, the Kennedy clan, come off smelling like a bed of roses. Old man Joe was twice the gangster LBJ ever dreamed of being. I'm guessing that had something to do with him being the VP, reminded him of daddy. Anyway, probably the only smart thing that fucking stink every did was ask LBJ to run with him.

I'm all over the place with this, but I don't care. Fuck you Ted. You're dead.

I feel shame for species

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/weather/08/25/maine.wave.death/index.html

The real tragedy here is that a young person,who although the spawn of obvious idiots and likely to be one herself someday, but someone who still had a chance to be intelligent later in life, was taken, instead of one of the stupid fucks standing on a cliff only 20 feet above the ocean while hurricane waters churned below them.

To those that survived...please take a trip to Hawaii, put your bahamas and flip flops on, then go to volcano and see how close you can get to the red looking stuff. I know it's getting hot, just a few more steps...go on, it looks cool doesn't it.

What I really want...

...is random hos to send me nekked pictures of them so I can post them here and make giggly high school jokes about their boobies (and then fap).

I want more followers

What do I have to do...follow other blogs??? Fuck that. I'm not interested in those people, and I hate blogs. I'm the only one that counts. Panaman, what's your secret? Do I have to get naked and smash shit? Come on. I'm relavent damnit.

Life is great

So I'm at Skyline having second dinner (cause the 1st one didn't cut it AND I'm a fat fuck), and I look down the bar and there's doodz playing D&D. My man had a chain male dice bag (hawt). Anyway, mayhem broke out...

"Uh...no Dale. Normally, you WOULD be rolling a 20 side, but since you've been infected with the plague of faggotry, you'll have to roll a twelve."

So yeah, maybe I hate Obama, but these turds gave me a laugh. Life ain't so bad.

I don't need to explain my art do I?

Dear CNN

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/meast/08/19/iraq.violence/index.html

You can stop reporting this stuff. We pulled out so no one cares now. 100,000 dead Iraqis doesn't even equal the sensationalist value of one dead US soldier. Sorry. maybe the octomom has said something stupid lately.

P.S. Your faggot buddy Novak is still dead. He should have died in the can over Valerie Plame.

Yaaaaaaaaaay!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/08/18/robert.novak.obituary/index.html

Novak is dead! What a fag.

Random thoughts from trip to Connecticut

Philadelphia:


I had to connect in Philadelphia on my may to Connecticut (actually flew into Stewart Intl. in New York, but whatever). I've been through Philly's airport on two trips now, both times were total cluster fucks. Yesterday, my 5:50 p.m. flight to Cincy got cancelled before I even landed in Philly. 2 hours of standing in a customer service line later, I was able to get on a flight to Dayton. With a little help from my friends later (about 1:30 - 2:00 a.m. later) I was finally home.


I have heard that they took down the statue of Rocky in Philadelphia


I just saw that the Eagles signed Michael Vick


For all of the above, I say, "Fuck you Philadelphia! Fuck you!"



$6.00 shit:

While killing some time, and having need for a shit, I walked into a pizza place in Seymour, Connecticut. It was their lunch hour and it was kinda slow. I knew I was about to wreck their john. It seemed like the kind of place where a nasty shit would stink up the whole joint, old, bad ventilation, etc. I started to feel bad I guess. So I ordered a beer for me and my traveling companion, then proceeded to fuck up their shit box. The bill was 6 bucks. Maybe I should have titled this "Karmic insurance: 6 bucks". Oh well, fuck it.


Magic Nub:

I have now met 2 people, 2 dudes, with inordinately hot wives. I've surely met more than this, but these 2 are special. 2 is a trend, not just a fluke. These aren't totally ugly dudes, like fuckin' Gollum or something, but far cries from Tom Cruise or even from me (I am one handsome mother fucker and those extra pounds just add power to my swing, so shut it). Anyway, I had thought that only two things could overcome ugly to land a hot woman, these of course are 1) lots of cash or 2) a big dick. No more, because I believe I have found a third. This could be a revolution for ugly dudes. Both of these guys lost most of one of their fingers in machining accidents and now have just a half finger nub, a "magic nub" with a kind of cap at the end of them where the skin gets pulled over I guess. I bet one of these magic nubs in a girls ass is like...well...magic. One of these guys got paid 10 grand from workman's comp. when he lost it too. Are you kidding me? 10K and a magic nub?!!? Some guys have all the luck.


Giant titties:

One more presidential thought:

If you elect me president (promise coming), I WILL FUCKING ELIMINATE THE PENNY!!! Jesus, hasn't that gone on long enough???? WTF!!!! Oh, and gas stations won't be allowed to charge $2.599 (or $2.59-9/10) anymore. ITS 2 FUCKING 60 MOTHER FUCKERS!!!! DO I LOOK FUCKING STUPID?!?!?!!? $2.59-9/10 IS NOT $2.59!!!! ITS FUCKING $2.60!!!!!!


Sorry Jews:

I wrote this joke when I was about 14, sorry jews.

"Have you ever had Jolly Ranchers? You know when you buy the pack in candy rack, the one that's shaped like certs but square? Have you ever noticed how many are in that pack? There's 11. 11?! What the fuck is that...a jew's dozen?"

I guess I feel presidential hat trick

I'm gonna run for president.

In no particular order of importance:

- queers can't get married (but "civil unions" with all the same rights o.k.) This is purely an argument over nomenclature and is really old and boring.

- terrorists at Gitmo die (after military or public trial finds them guilty).

-Federal Death Penalty for child molesters - draw and quartering makes a come back

- We pull our military out of everywhere immediately (unless public referendums in that country approve our presence).

- Alternative energy is priority #1. Alaskan drilling approved until viable alternate sources approved. No oil from the middle east.

- Tariffs on Chinese shit.

- Subsidies for manufacturing companies (just like for farmers).

- Mexico will agree to a US agency within Mexico. All Mexico oriented funds go to this agency. The agency works to improve Mexico so the wets won't want to leave. NAFTA is terminated. We play nice with Canada. If Mexico doesn't agree, anyone who can't prove they belong here, gets put in a box car back to that shit hole.

- Abortion legal for teens (one time only), rape victims and health reasons.

- Social Security over haul. Sorry bums, you're not gonna get paid for having babies any more. Get off your ass and get a job.

Korea, Iran, whoever. Make nukes if you want. Fire one at me and I will glass your whole fucking country. P.S. Turkey, Egypt, Saudi, Japan, China....start policing your own fucking neighborhoods. Figure it out you dumb fucks.

That's it for now. More latter maybe.

My photo montage (did I spell that right..fuck you if I didn't)

I don't know if you've noticed my photo slide show above. It's just some pictures I thought were interesting or funny or something when I put this blog up.

For the record, I would fuck Babs Bush (the younger)'s uterus out.

That is all.

In case you are fucking stupid, she's the hot one (check the nips).

I'd give Laura a spin too (as long as George was cool with it).

Dead Kennedys Rule: Another one bites the dust!

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/08/07/eunice.kennedy.shriver/index.html

Well...not quite yet, but pretty soon. Can't wait til they're all dead. I can't stand the way the whole fucking family is idolized. Who gives a fuck? How can entire generations be so blinded by some good looks? What a bunch of corrupt ass mother fuckers. They make Bill Clinton look like Mother Theresa. Besides, have you seen this old hag? She looks like she died 10 years ago.

Look out Arnold, better get that bitch a face lift now.

yeah, yeah.....special place in hell...blah, blah, blah....

Yay! Bill Clinton saves the day.

Thanks Bill Clinton for saving who gives a fuck and her friend from being where they shouldn't have been in the first place. Yay. Good job. Super. Who cares. Fuck you.