NPR sux0rz my ass

God, sometimes NPR fucking lights my fuse.

The other day:

This twit, Dawn Turner, who works for the Chicago Tribune, was on Talk of the Nation and thinks anybody who tries to make themselves look black, mask, make-up, whatever, is wearing "black-face." WTF? Really? So the guy who does Obama on SNL is in black-face, someone in a Michael Jackson mask is in black-face? Send her an email and tell her she's a moron, if you're a racist like I must be (I sent her an email to discuss the issue, must be too busy being a journalist to write me back).

Then today:

They were talking about the extinction of the big mammals or animals or whatever in North America (there was a black bear sized beaver at some point apparently - fucking awesome!), you know...the ones everybody else thinks got wiped out by climate change or the fucking gigantic meteor. Well anyway....some bitch (might have been a dude too, but I just remember the ho) on there today said it wasn't any of that shit, but it was "man" who killed them all. Of course! Man is to fucking blame, we do everything evil for all time. So the 40,000 or so men that were around back then (I'm making this number up, I have no idea, but it wasn't 3 billion) just decided to go on a fucking homicidal rampage and kill everything bigger than a dog just for the fuck of it. And in the course of like 200 years or something. Right! That makes perfect sense. Total extinction of all large animals and we did it with fucking sticks! We are the fucking coolest bad ass mother fucking kung-fu animal killers. YEs.!

On an unrelated subject...look at this chick's ass.

I made a bumper sticker

Ask Nutty Flashback #2 (for BPEP)

Nutty X,

What is your favorite sexual position & why?

Pee Pie
Cincinnati, Ohio

Dear Pee Pie,

I was going to answer your question with a simple yet Nuttyesque analogy, such as "Who cares where the doormat sits, as long as you can wipe your feet on it?", but I'm a kinder, gentler Nutty X these days so I took some time to answer your question properly.

I don't know what the Kama Sutra calls it, but my favorite sexual position is called the "Champion Position". The Champion Position was named, as far as I know, by a college friend of mine, we'll call him Derrick. Anyway, Derrick named it so because he said you had to be a champion to pull it off. While I truly AM, a champion, Derrick may have been exaggerating the prowess required to acomplish proficient sex in this position. However, I do enjoy it and it's variations. I'll get to those shortly.

The Champion Position is classified as such. The whore, lies on the ground, bed or whatever, not so much on her back, as on her neck. With her legs pointing back behind her head, the champion stands, firmly on his feet, above and facing her, and fires his flesh torpedo straight DOWN into her excellently exposed fuck hole. There's no fumbling for it here. With the flowering quimm in plain sight, even the most clumsy of lovers should be able to hit the mark on the first try. Eventual satisfaction is achieved as the champion repeatedly penetrates the gash in an up and down fashion, much like doing squats at the gym. The erect penis'natural inclination to point away from the body requires a hand to keep things on track at times, but also provides for maximum
friction against the anterior wall of the slut's twat. (see figure 1.)

Variations of the "Champion Position" include; the "Reverse Champion" (figure 2.), and the "Sideways Champion" (figure 3.).

Also a variant of the "Champion Position", is the "Houston Oiler", named by yours truly. The Houston Oiler is exactly the same as the Champion, with the exception that penetraton is of the cornhole. The champion stands over the butt slut and proceeds to drill her for oil. (figures 4. & 5.)

Why my favorite? Well, with a tramp in such a position, all holes are easily accessable and there's not a lot she can do about anything.  I could be boring out her box and decide I need some brown. With one quick motion, boo-yah! the helmet is on and I'm an oil man! Ready to blow but want to paint her face? No problem. Take a quick step forward then squat. Jackpot! The ho's face and mouth are right there. Start suckin' tart! Cum on her face, tits, whatever. It's all right there when you're a champion.

A quick note for beginers. Unless your target is a tried and true stunt slut, you may want to try this first with her up against a couch or something. It'll help keep her in the proper position. Plus, when you're done, the couch is right there.

Take a nap champion. You've earned it!

Well, hope that answers your question sufficiently Pee Pie. By the way, what the fuck does Pee Pie mean? You into urine or shit pies or something? That's just gross. Although, I guess in a reverse Champion or Houston Oiler, it would be possible to take a dump on you. Hmmmm. Probably something that should be investigated. Good luck with that. Maybe the next time I'm in Cincinnati, you'll update me on your progress. Or, just suck me off. That'd be alright too.

Best wishes,

Nutty X

Jizz Mop of the Month (part B)

Miss November: Ashlyn Gere

(one of Nutty's all time favs)

Since I'm behind and shit, it's already the 11th, I'll put up an oldie for the short month.

Good luck finding the good shit. You pretty much have to pay to find her stuff any more. By the way, she's about 50 now, and still makes a few movies I think. She looked good in the last one I saw.

Jizz Mop of the Month (part A)

I guess I need a historical record of these hos... So:

Miss October: Bobbi Starr

(she likes them big and in the butt)

http://www.myspace.com/_bobbistarr