Random thoughts from trip to Connecticut

Philadelphia:


I had to connect in Philadelphia on my may to Connecticut (actually flew into Stewart Intl. in New York, but whatever). I've been through Philly's airport on two trips now, both times were total cluster fucks. Yesterday, my 5:50 p.m. flight to Cincy got cancelled before I even landed in Philly. 2 hours of standing in a customer service line later, I was able to get on a flight to Dayton. With a little help from my friends later (about 1:30 - 2:00 a.m. later) I was finally home.


I have heard that they took down the statue of Rocky in Philadelphia


I just saw that the Eagles signed Michael Vick


For all of the above, I say, "Fuck you Philadelphia! Fuck you!"



$6.00 shit:

While killing some time, and having need for a shit, I walked into a pizza place in Seymour, Connecticut. It was their lunch hour and it was kinda slow. I knew I was about to wreck their john. It seemed like the kind of place where a nasty shit would stink up the whole joint, old, bad ventilation, etc. I started to feel bad I guess. So I ordered a beer for me and my traveling companion, then proceeded to fuck up their shit box. The bill was 6 bucks. Maybe I should have titled this "Karmic insurance: 6 bucks". Oh well, fuck it.


Magic Nub:

I have now met 2 people, 2 dudes, with inordinately hot wives. I've surely met more than this, but these 2 are special. 2 is a trend, not just a fluke. These aren't totally ugly dudes, like fuckin' Gollum or something, but far cries from Tom Cruise or even from me (I am one handsome mother fucker and those extra pounds just add power to my swing, so shut it). Anyway, I had thought that only two things could overcome ugly to land a hot woman, these of course are 1) lots of cash or 2) a big dick. No more, because I believe I have found a third. This could be a revolution for ugly dudes. Both of these guys lost most of one of their fingers in machining accidents and now have just a half finger nub, a "magic nub" with a kind of cap at the end of them where the skin gets pulled over I guess. I bet one of these magic nubs in a girls ass is like...well...magic. One of these guys got paid 10 grand from workman's comp. when he lost it too. Are you kidding me? 10K and a magic nub?!!? Some guys have all the luck.


Giant titties:

One more presidential thought:

If you elect me president (promise coming), I WILL FUCKING ELIMINATE THE PENNY!!! Jesus, hasn't that gone on long enough???? WTF!!!! Oh, and gas stations won't be allowed to charge $2.599 (or $2.59-9/10) anymore. ITS 2 FUCKING 60 MOTHER FUCKERS!!!! DO I LOOK FUCKING STUPID?!?!?!!? $2.59-9/10 IS NOT $2.59!!!! ITS FUCKING $2.60!!!!!!


Sorry Jews:

I wrote this joke when I was about 14, sorry jews.

"Have you ever had Jolly Ranchers? You know when you buy the pack in candy rack, the one that's shaped like certs but square? Have you ever noticed how many are in that pack? There's 11. 11?! What the fuck is that...a jew's dozen?"