Rewrite

I think it's funnier this way:

A slap contest is always a good idea after drinking with your pals. Remember how your friends Goofus and Gallant behave:

- Goofus challenges his fat friend to a slap contest.
- Gallant let's the little guy go first.
- Goofus mocks his opponent before slapping him.
- Gallant checks to make sure his back swing is clear.
- Goofus smiles smugly after slapping his friend.
- Gallant stages empty beer cases for his friend's head to gently rest upon...after he knocks the fucking shit out him.

Good night.

A slap contest is always a good idea after drinking with your pals. Remember these dos and don'ts

- Do be sure to stage your empty cases behind you to break your fall
- Don't slap contest with a guy 75 pounds heavier than you.
- Do check to make sure your back swing is clear.
- Don't let the other guy go first (especially if you're a glass-jawed pussy). At least this guy got his lick in.

Not a slap contest, but it's just oh so right.

Remarkably similar to the last Slayer show I went to (except everyone was was white and had prison tats)

1:48 into the video: What the fuck is going on there?

Sack Tapping - still good clean fun

Watch G I Joe get his ballz nuked

Hey Tosh...

This guy needs a web redemption!

Ask Nutty v. Tosh.0

I am bored....really fucking bored.

I used to have hobbies...I don't do any of it any more. AND...there IS a finite amount of times you can whack it.

So...I am retiring 'Ask Nutty' as you know it. Face it...it wasn't going anywhere.

BUT! I am creating 'Ask Nutty version Tosh.0'!!! What's that you ask? Well, it's like this. Daniel Tosh has a pretty decent thing going on Comedy Central. It makes me laugh...which is rare. Anyway, I figure I can do that. I don't want to be him or a knock off of him. I just want to help him.

SO...I'm basically going to rape the premise of his show and do it on this blog until he recognizes me and gives me a job as a writer.

It'll probably take me a while to get up to speed. I may actually film some shit with my ass video camera. It could be a slow start. There is a promo contest I'll try to enter. We'll see. I'm thinking puke.

Holy shit!

WTF???????????????????

That is fucking crazy! How the hell do you even fix that? Oh, and by the way, everyone else who lives near that....sooner or later, the earth is going to collapse into that giant pit, 60-70 feet beneath you. Good luck selling that house. Holy shit!!!

They keep getting dumber...

Gee honey, isn't Yemen a terrorist country???

Nah...don't be silly sweet heart, it's a beautiful desert nation.

But aren't you afraid we'll be kidnapped ?

Kidnapped??? Of course not...we're American!

dumbass

BOOM!

I lived in W.Va. for a while. I can confirm this to be typical behavior.

Email to CNN

Dear CNN,

There are rumors all over the internet that Ronnie James Dio is dead. You, as the world news leader, need to act quickly to either confirm or dispel these rumors. Ronnie has been battling stomach cancer for a year or so. If it is true, and RJD is dead, I expect riots and lawlessness that will make the Rodney King LA riots, Wats, and Detroit riots combined look like a kindergarten christmas play. The dark master will have his revenge on planet earth!!! Cower in fear as his wrath will shower us in eternal agony and despair. If it turns out he's alive, I guess everything is o.k. then. Carry on reporting about insignificant minutia like New York SC nominees and oil and whatever.

Peace out bitches,

Nutty


This was posted on ronniejamesdio.com:

A Message From Wendy Dio 5/16/2010 2:51:50 PM
"Today my heart is broken, Ronnie passed away at 7:45am 16th May. Many, many friends and family were able to say their private good-byes before he peacefully passed away. Ronnie knew how much he was loved by all. We so appreciate the love and support that you have all ...